Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
