how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
