she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
