So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
