a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Bring me that man meat
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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