Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
