My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do vagina's smell?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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