Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
