I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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