It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i may or may not be watching the land before time
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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