my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
