How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
