Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
