my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
