I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
