It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
