I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
