you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
