hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
