Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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