Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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