In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im holly from the hills drunk
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
