This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
