3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
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