that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The uberlube is also flammable
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
