I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
