she was so not down for the gang bang
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
