You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
