also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
