I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
