i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Randomize
