What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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