too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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