Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
