the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
