so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the day after is always just damage control
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
