my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
