Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
