now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
