I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
