halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
