Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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