i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
