Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
