Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
