I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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