Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
