So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
