Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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