I'm so fucking centered right now
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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