another moral hangover. fuck.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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