Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
