we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
