i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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