Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
