dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
