got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
