i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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