Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
