turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
