when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so let's talk penis.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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