New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
