from now on my penis is your penis
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
