your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
