Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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