So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
