my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize