i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize