He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
