I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
