I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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