How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
