He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
